The 'On The Bright Side' thread..

[skeptik]

I used to be a member of a group that were very into airships and blimps.

I dont understand why they haven't made a comeback either. Maybe people have just got that image of Hindenburg crashing in flames burnt in their brains. A collective subconscious bias against the whole concept.

If you need an extended 'loiter' capability - just quietly hanging about in the same area, and I can think of a number of reasons why you might, an airship is obviously the way to go.

[Joe]

The bright side:

Being able to see more than one hour of daylight a day during the winter months.

No more corporate nonsense about "building synergies", "customer champions", "developing a deep service culture", "key performance indicators", "project milestones", "redefining the industry paradigm" ad nauseum.

No more patronising "colleague development plans", "business update roadshows", "colleague listening sessions", "business process workshops", "developmental feedback" etc.

No more of the utter, utter IT bollocks about "ultra resilient infrastructures reducing the total cost of ownership", "bleeding edge technology", "unparalleled manageability", "revolutionary functionality" and other such nonsensical techno-marketing-w@nk.

No more feeling that by simply turning up to work you're complicit in the gang-rape of the underprivileged that is global capitalism.

Hmm. maybe it's time I started looking for another job anyway

[aliwood]

You missed no more 'presenteeism'. Can't wait for that one to end. T'other half works in a call centre, you can imagine what it's like. His three staff development manuals are going to burn really well on our fire.

On the bright side - I planted my garlic today. It must be getting colder soon to, I saw several lines of geese flying past last week, oh, and I saw a robin in the garden this morning. Time to find my Xmas decorations out I think.

[SherryMayo]

I've just finished reading "Martin Lukes: Who moved my blackberry"* (I needed some light relief after all the heavy stuff I'd been reading).

I think it would be right up your allley Joe - or might at least give you twinges of pained recognition!.

* A piss-take of the modern business culture and all the bullshit it contains charting the rise of A-grade wanker Martin Lukes.

[Joe]

Wow, it certainly has some good reviews on DODGY TAX AVOIDERS and the synopsis made me chuckle too - will check it out. Cheers

[snow hope]

The bright side:

Being able to see more than one hour of daylight a day during the winter months.

No more corporate nonsense about "building synergies", "customer champions", "developing a deep service culture", "key performance indicators", "project milestones", "redefining the industry paradigm" ad nauseum.

No more patronising "colleague development plans", "business update roadshows", "colleague listening sessions", "business process workshops", "developmental feedback" etc.

No more of the utter, utter IT bollocks about "ultra resilient infrastructures reducing the total cost of ownership", "bleeding edge technology", "unparalleled manageability", "revolutionary functionality" and other such nonsensical techno-marketing-w@nk.

No more feeling that by simply turning up to work you're complicit in the gang-rape of the underprivileged that is global capitalism.

Hmm. maybe it's time I started looking for another job anyway

Great post Joe. I can empathise with a lot of that crap.

Oh, and by the way I loved my BlackBerry, but gave it to somebody more needy of it 3 weeks ago. Have just about got over the withdrawal symptoms!

[Joe]

And here's one for those of you out there who work in call centres....

No more looking at the clock watching the seconds seem like minutes, the minutes seem like hours, the hours seem like days...

No more having to ask your supervisor if it's ok to take a "comfort break"

No more repeating the same salutation to every caller over and over and over like a mantra until you start getting lazy and don't pronounce it properly and it eventually turns into a neolithic grunt and your caller has a brief moment of wondering if actually they've called the right number so they start the conversation with "oh... um... is that..." and you find yourself unable to view the rest of humanity with anything other than complete disdain.

No more arsehole customers demanding to speak to a manager because you obviously don't have the ability to solve their problem.

No more 'your calls may be monitored for "training purposes".'

No more having to wait until EXACTLY 10:40 before you can get a cup of disgusting coffee and go downstairs and huddle round the fire secape at the back of the building (after you've had to avoid the disapproving frown of the security guard because you forgot your security pass this morning so he's going to have to swipe you back in when you've finished your smoke) to stand amongst a pile of damp cigarette butts and have an awkward conversation with someone who works in the accounts department and is looking down their nose at you because they have a "proper" job.

No more middle aged second-income housewives with an 'O' level in needlework walking around the office like some sort of Gestapo officer, lording it over you because they eventually got promoted to team leader after working there for 5 years (and apparently she's never taken a day off sick, you know).

No more of those horrible moments when you've sat chatting for 10 minutes wondering why it's so quiet only to discover that your phone's been on "not ready" for the last quarter of an hour and it's going to ruin your stats for the week (which will be pinned up on the noticeboard next to the coffee machine for everyone to see) and give your supervisor even more ammunition to make your life hell because you aren't all tall, handsome, athletic and well spoken like Steve, who only works 2 evenings a week and is doing a degree in Sports Science and wants to become a physiotherapist for Manchester United and "ooooh isn't he a lovely, LOVELY lad - always got time for you, that one has, can't do enough for you".

No more having to spend 38 minutes of your alloted 46 minute lunch break getting to and from the local sandwich van because the office is at the wrong end of the business park and then you have to spend all afternoon freezing because it was raining outside and you're soaking wet and you're sitting underneath the air conditioning vent and your team leader won't let you turn the thermostat up because her seat isn't anywhere near the air conditioning and she gets a bit warm because she's going through the change.

No more of those moments of rage as the team leader's shrill voice informs the entire office that there are 5 calls waiting when she could just pick up the bastard phone and answer one of them herself instead of attending to her french manicure, the malevalent old bitch

Oh yes, I've been there.

[RevdTess]

Oh yes, I've been there.

I have an 'organisational behaviour' exam on Monday for my MBA and I'm counting this post as 'revision' (and even better, examples) for an essay on Taylorism and Scientific Management (the root of all evil).

[isenhand]

<<Hmm. maybe it's time I started looking for another job anyway>>

Yes, sounds it Joe

It sounds like we are all looking forward to the collapse of civilisation?

I am apart from the fact that it could lead to a lot of people dieing and suffering but on the other hand I see it as an opportunity. An opportunity to look at what we are doing and to think about how to do it better. An opportunity to build a better future. If we can mange that then maybe there would be very few people who would end up suffering as civilisation collapse.

<<Time to find my Xmas decorations out I think.>>

Hmm ? we could need a Yuletide thread soon

<<I dont understand why they haven't made a comeback either. Maybe people have just got that image of Hindenburg crashing in flames burnt in their brains.>>

That was possibly sabotage or poor engineering. However, I think today we can make airships safer than they were in the 30s or we could use them for cargo transport. It would not take much to have them fully automated. Must be a cheaper and more environmentally friendly way of transporting things around the world than jets?

[Joe]

I have an 'organisational behaviour' exam on Monday for my MBA and I'm counting this post as 'revision' (and even better, examples) for an essay on Taylorism and Scientific Management (the root of all evil).

Glad to be of service! If you need more detail or insight for your essay about Taylor, time & motion studies etc, feel free to drop me an email. Although being an MBA student you'll understand why I'll have to charge you for my time...

[RevdTess]

Glad to be of service! If you need more detail or insight for your essay about Taylor, time & motion studies etc, feel free to drop me an email. Although being an MBA student you'll understand why I'll have to charge you for my time...

If you could just write me a paper on how much you enjoy having every second of your day accounted for and the humanity stripped from every molecule of your existence, that would be great. Be sure to count the number of motions required to type each character, and compare to the same task undertaken with a biro and/or nibbed feather pen. Remember that if you can complete the task in half the time, I get two reports for the price of one, and you get a pay-rise of 0.01%, so we both win!

[GD]

My Co had some consultants in doing these (T&M studies) recently. One was following my boss around for a couple of days. It was quite funny because whenever we had a meeting the technicality of the discussion was cranked up to 20 (on a scale of 1 to 10). The guy could hardly stay awake!

?Who moved my blackberry? seems like the kind of book I just couldn?t read. I?ve had to give up on Dilbert because it?s TOO accurate!

[Joe]

Be sure to count the number of motions required to type each character, and compare to the same task undertaken with a biro and/or nibbed feather pen. Remember that if you can complete the task in half the time, I get two reports for the price of one, and you get a pay-rise of 0.01%, so we both win!

Looks like you're going to pass with flying colours

Fortunately I no longer work in a call centre and am largely trusted to account for my own time in the form of "soft reports" and timesheets. One of my pet hates is this apparent obsession with performance measurement that every corporate organisation seems to be adopting these days - the "If you can't measure it, you can't manage it" philosophy.

Middle managers now are seemingly so concerned with how their stats look in front of senior managers that they encourage inhrerently less efficient ways of working just to suit the measurements.

An example from my environment is that if planned works get delayed due to circumstances beyond our control, they can simply get closed down only to be re-opened later on. The stats look good because we don't have issues sitting around for ages pushing the average service times up, but the administrative overhead associated with re-opening the case, adding all the detailed plans etc, the endless hours managers spend pouring over meaningless reports that present an artificial view of business performance when they could be doing something genuinely constructive and the fact that it pisses customers off are all swept under the carpet.

It reminds me of phycisist Werner Heisenberg's uncertainty principle - "the more precisely the position of a particle is known, the less precisely its momentum is known"; the very act of measuring something alters it's behaviour such that you can never fully understand what it's doing, rendering the excercise futile (in a business context).

Obviously trying to explain the parallels between quantum machanics and operational management to middle managers is generally a fruitless endeavour that leads to one being branded a smart-arse trouble maker, so I just opt to accept it with a cheery nod and a smile...

Anyway, back on the bright side: at least I won't have to worry about it post peak

[RevdTess]

One of my pet hates is this apparent obsession with performance measurement that every corporate organisation seems to be adopting these days - the "If you can't measure it, you can't manage it" philosophy.

Ooh, a catchy soundbite. Nice. *makes note*

Middle managers now are seemingly so concerned with how their stats look in front of senior managers that they encourage inhrerently less efficient ways of working just to suit the measurements.

An example from my environment is that if planned works get delayed due to circumstances beyond our control, they can simply get closed down only to be re-opened later on. The stats look good because we don't have issues sitting around for ages pushing the average service times up, but the administrative overhead associated with re-opening the case, adding all the detailed plans etc, the endless hours managers spend pouring over meaningless reports that present an artificial view of business performance when they could be doing something genuinely constructive and the fact that it pisses customers off are all swept under the carpet.

Heh, yes. And the example from the NHS where some GP practices make you book an appointment on the morning of your visit, so that the stats make it look like every patient is seen 'the same day', completely disregarding the inconvenience to patients who actually work and can't sit around waiting until 8:30am by the phone to sit in a queue for 30 minutes only to be told that all appointments are now full and please could you call back tomorrow?... Dear god, that one drove me up the wall.

Obviously trying to explain the parallels between quantum machanics and operational management to middle managers is generally a fruitless endeavour that leads to one being branded a smart-arse trouble maker, so I just opt to accept it with a cheery nod and a smile...

Oh boy, have I ever been there!

You're not an INTJ type like myself are you?

[Andy Hunt]

Joe - reading your posts about call centre work have made my day! Oh yes - I have been there too. Sticking some blu-tack over the clock on your PC screen so you can't see the minutes ticking by 'til the end of your shift. Colleagues coming back from lunch stoned, but the managers don't mind because it means people can't be bothered to look for a new job. The list goes on!

One thing I have to thank them for - I stopped working there 3 years ago, but the people who administrate my staff tariff (discount) phone haven't noticed yet!

Inefficiency has its advantages!

One last chuckle for you: one girl who worked in our call centre used to answer the 'phone, "f*ck you for calling member service" instead of "thank you . . . ".

The customers calling NEVER challenged her for it - maybe they didn't believe their own ears!

However will we live without mobile 'phones post-peak? I wonder how people used to manage, all those (10? 15?) years ago?