UndercoverElephant wrote:
You don't know how life would have turned out if you'd done things differently.
"Regret" is perhaps the wrong word. I tend to believe that none of us have as much control over our lives as we like to think; some people are simply
luckier than others, and they mistake their luck for the consequence of virtue and good judgment.
I've tried very hard throughout my life, and on the whole in good faith, to address the things in my circumstances and my personality that were holding me back.
So it's not regret, but more a sense of "things that might have been", of unfulfilled personal potential.
More painful than a state of permanent lethargic depression is the intimation of a joy that was always thwarted.
I've no reason to complain, I can see that objectively, especially when I think about the lives the younger generations are likely to have. What about their unfulfilled potential?
But that kind of objective assessment doesn't actually make you any happier. In fact it just makes you feel guilty for being unhappy
I think part of you still mourns the loss of BAU and the chance to live a "normal life."
Not really just that. I'm not materialistic, and I never wanted to settle down with kids. In fact one of the reasons I've always been an outsider is that I looked at all the people with cosy conventional lives, and realised that to live like that would
bore me rigid.
But unlike most people here, I suspect life isn't simply going to get more difficult, it's going to be
f***ing miserable and
f***ing terrifying and quite probably
f***ing short.
It wasn't to be, so you might as well sit back and enjoy the show. Just thank your lucky stars you don't have three kids, an enormous mortgage and no job security.
My mortgage is plenty big enough to be a worry, and I certainly don't have job security (does anyone?). But as for kids, sure, given my temperament, I'd be absolutely sick with worry if I'd had a family. Small mercies.
"We're just waiting, looking skyward as the days go down / Someone promised there'd be answers if we stayed around."